"Seventy-seven times"-Sermon for Proper 19, Matthew 18:21-35:
So, for those who were away last Sunday, Tina shared a short video in her sermon of an interview with Dolly Parton that was principally about her both fused and deeply conflicted life-long relationship with Porter Wagoner…the man who both gave Dolly her first big break in country music, and the man who tried to more or less destroy her when she decided it was time to move on from him to follow her own dreams. And, further, the interview revealed, in a very moving and tender way, that, in the end, despite all the grief that Porter caused Dolly…and I mean grief…she chose to forgive him and even lovingly cared for him at the very end of his life. The video ended with Dolly sharing these deeply profound words, which I believe were inspired by her deeply held Christian faith, she concluded, “Forgiveness…forgiveness is all there is.”
And, friends, I think Dolly is right. And, I say this because I think she learned about the utter centrality of forgiveness in human life, again, from her faith…from Jesus. You see, depending on the particular translation of the bible that you are reading, the word “forgive” or a derivative of it is found 35-45 times in the four gospels collectively. That’s, on average, about once every other chapter. As I am sure you recall, among Jesus’ very last words, while his earthly life is quickly failing on the hard wood of the violent cross, he implores God…on behalf of those killing him, “Father, forgive them”. And, perhaps, to underscore the primacy of forgiveness in Jesus’ life and teaching…those who created the lectionary which assigns our scripture readings for each Sunday continue Jesus’ teaching in Matthew on forgiveness today right where we left off last week. To this end and in hopes of going deeper on this subject that I believe is at the very heart of the Gospel, I would like to share some of my own thoughts on the divine power, possibility and purpose of forgiveness.
So, again, picking up in Matthew just where we left off last week, Peter who is often speaking on behalf of all the disciples…so perhaps they are struggling with some “team disciple” conflict themselves…Peter asks Jesus how many times must we forgive when we have, whether intentionally or not, been hurt or harmed by the actions or inactions of another. Then before Jesus can reply, Peter offers him a place to begin considering his response…sort of like an opening salvo in a theological negotiation…Peter says, “As many as seven times?” Now, seven is not a random number. In the Jewish tradition, in which Jesus and his disciples are deeply rooted, the number seven, spiritually speaking, was considered the number of completeness or perfection. Moreover, the number seven represents a sort of generosity…almost an “above and beyond”. For, in Jewish religious teaching of their day, which Peter would know well, forgiveness was required three times for the same offence. And, seven is slightly two times greater than three. Again, perhaps a generous number. At least at first glance, seven might just sort of sound generous. If I am lied to seven times by the same person perhaps responding by offering forgiveness seven times for that loss of trust is simply enough. If number eight rolls around…that is if trust broken for an eigth time…perhaps a grudge is in order…perhaps offering forgiveness and reestablishing trust is just a river too wide to cross. It might be time to just walk in separate directions…maybe.
Well, as we just heard, Jesus does not accept Peter’s initial offer in this theological negotiation…but, instead, multiplies it by 11…saying, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.” Now, friends, as I think about this number…really think about it…I actually take great heart. For my wife, Ashley, has definitely forgiven me way more than seven times…probably even for the same offence. I will note further that the number seventy-seven that Jesus uses can also be translated from the original Greek as seventy times seven, which is 490 times. And, friends, this is not really about numbers…relationships are not ruled by math. Instead, I believe that Jesus is saying…not seven times…Peter…but every time…every time you have been wronged you are to forgive. And, Jesus reaffirms this notion in the parable that follows. Specifically, in the moment when the King forgives his servant the debt of 10,000 talents…talents being a denomination of money. For, friends, like with most parables, Jesus is using ordinary things to talk about eternal things. This money is a metaphor to talk about a badly ruptured relationship…about significant trust betrayed. For 10,000 talents in Jesus day was an unimaginably large sum of money. Thus, again, Jesus is suggesting that every time we are hurt…and no matter how big the hurt is…forgiveness is the divinely desired response.
Now, if you are thinking…really…really Miles…forgiveness every time no matter the offence. Well, I would respond first by acknowledging that forgiveness is often hard, and as Tina suggested last week it often comes, perhaps it must come, with boundaries. When I was beginning my career as a Youth Minister at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church in Houston a young woman, a junior in high school, who was active in our youth group died when a jeep she was a passenger in rolled over. It was spring break. She was at the beach, and the driver of the jeep was intoxicated. The driver was arrested, charged with and convicted of DWI and manslaughter. The family asked me to join them at the driver’s sentencing hearing as pastoral support. Their intention was to ask the judge during sentencing for leniency...not to overturn the conviction…but for leniency. You see, before the trial began the family asked the judge to meet with the driver, a young man, also a high school student, while he was still incarcerated, and, after he expressed his profound remorse and deep sorrow, they offered him their forgiveness…a response to their deeply held Christian faith. Before walking into the court room for the sentencing, we prayed together. We acknowledged our grief. We gave thanks for their daughter’s life. We prayed for healing, hope and supernatural peace. And, we prayed for this young man…that he would know their forgiveness and God’s forgiveness and be able to build a whole new life…a life that honored their daughter’s memory by his willingness to acknowledge his fault, tell his story openly and honestly, especially to other young people, to be and do different, to be and do better each day moving forward.
This forgiveness was hard and the expectations for this young man that accompanied their forgiveness established real boundaries. The family had to grieve what had been lost, who had been lost. They had to realize that their forgiveness would not bring her back…but that maybe, just maybe their forgiveness could save this young man’s life and others as well by, again, him openly and honestly telling his story to others. I think, well I know, like Dolly they believed forgiveness is all there is…the only chance to bring life out of such a devastating death…the only chance for them and this young man to begin…a never the same…but still resurrected life.
Brene Brown talks about how trust takes much time to earn…but can be so quickly and easily lost. She uses the image of a marble jar. Over time a person earns our trust one act, one moment at a time. Each act of kindness, each promise followed through on, each confidence kept, each sacrifice for the other made, is like placing a single marble in a jar that overtime begins to fill up till trust is established and the relationship feels full and weighty. But when a betrayal happens in that relationship…confidentiality is not kept…a lie is told…a promise made is not honored…it’s like the bottom of the jar has been cracked and it doesn’t take a large hole for all those marbles to quickly drain out till perhaps nothing is left. The gravity of trust betrayed is heavy indeed. Forgiveness, which requires grieving what was lost…forgiveness which requires vulnerability for one can surely be hurt again…forgiveness which requires the establishment of boundaries for how trust is to be re-earned and what the relationship might look like moving forward…forgiveness which requires the one who has caused harm to be genuinely remorseful and genuinely desire to make amends. Forgiveness, which requires all of that, is hard soul work…and its intention is solely to repair the crack. For, only then can the work of actually refilling the jar, one marble at a time, begin again. And, though, the crack may be repaired…the outline of the crack may long remain. It may be able to contain marbles again, but the jar, the relationship between two people, may never look the same again. It may be more fragile. It may be unable to carry the same weight. It may look less pretty and more vulnerable from the outside. But still…but still…it is more whole than when broken open. It is able to allow marbles, allow trust to reaccumulate…that is for forgiveness to bring healing and relationships be restored. Sometimes even the healed cracks in the lives of both the forgiven and the forgiver remind us and others of the power and possibility to overcome profound hurt and live a whole, resurrected sort of life again. And, sometimes the cracks helpfully remind us that we too have cracked open the jars of other people…that we too need to be forgiven lots of times over a life time…whether 7 times, 77 times, 490 times…or more.
And, I think Jesus knows, in a world full of people like us that are at the very same time breathtakingly beautiful and broken, that forgiveness is all there is…for forgiveness…genuinely desired, vulnerably given and fully received…is what cross and resurrection looks most like on this side of glory. Amen.