"Terror and Amazement"-Sermon for Easter Sunday, Mark 16:1-8
I lost my biological father, Nathan, in January of 2006. He died of cancer resulting from struggling for most of his adult life with the disease of addiction. I say biological father, as God has blessed me with two dads. Nathan…and my step-father, JB, who raised me…and still, at times, kinda does…and he is my dad. But, I was also always close to Nathan…more a friend than father…kind hearted and so much fun…if still his addiction kept him from being the dad I know he would have liked to have been. Nathan’s life was hard, and I still have great compassion for what he and others like him endure, and I know that he loved me and my brother, Ross, entirely. So, though more often out of my life than in, I felt his loss deeply. It was an intense spiritual time for me that I would describe as sad and challenging but, along with that, there were also real and meaningful opportunities for gratitude, growth and healing.
And, I got to preached at Nathan’s funeral, which was hard but so good, and I faithfully proclaimed that his life had mattered and made a difference, despite its challenges. He was a good friend to many that brought much joy into the lives of those he loved. With God and my mother, he helped create two children who have within them good hearts and are living purposeful and meaningful lives. And, most especially, I gave thanks to God that Nathan was now healed and whole…celebrating with the saints of God…standing in light perpetual with those he loved who had already passed into God’s nearer presence. He was now resurrected to life immortal, standing with head held high, as the very person God created him to be.
Which is to say, I preached an Easter sermon at his funeral…that despite all the struggles we each encounter, despite all the what if’s and could have been’s, despite the shortness of life on this side of eternity, despite all the suffering and darkness that holds sway in this sin sick and sorely divided world…through Jesus’ glorious resurrection from the dead…death has been utterly swallowed up and defeated…love wins…life wins…for Nathan and for everything and everyone God has made…for you and even for me. Thus, even at the grave, we make our song…alleluia, alleluia, alleluia! For in the fullness of time, at the hour of our death or when Jesus comes again to set this world to rights, we shall each and all be resurrected to the life we were made for at the beginning…life forever with each other and with God at our center…in light and joy and bliss. This is the great Good News that we stand on today…that we make and affirm this day. That Jesus is risen. The first born from the dead…certainly not the last…but the first. And, I believe this is the hope of the world.
And, though I preached this sermon, at my father’s funeral, with conviction and deep faith…believing it with all of my heart…for Nathan and for all of us…I will be entirely vulnerable here and say…in the very midst of this great good news that Jesus’ resurrection has overcome death…that I was filled, at the same time, with both terror and amazement…with doubts and questions. When facing his death, which led to considering my own mortality, sometimes I even felt afraid. For, friends, I want you to hear me say that terror and amazement, doubt and faith, sadness and joy, fear and hope can be contained within the same heart…perhaps are contained within every human heart. So, I want you to know, if you join me today in joyfully believing in Easter…in the power and promise of resurrection…and…and still wonder if it is too good to be true…or too good to be true for me…you are not alone. For, as we just heard in our Gospel lesson…Mark’s telling of the first Easter morning…even those most wonderful women who were the very first eye-witnesses of Jesus’s resurrection…had similar feelings. For, after discovering the empty tomb and an angel proclaiming that Jesus was, indeed risen, our Gospel lesson on this very Easter morning concludes, “[The women] went out and fled from the tomb, for terror and amazement had seized them; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.” The paradox that is the human condition laid bare in scripture…the most ironic of endings to what stands at the very center of our faith…of such good, life-changing news…terror, amazement, silence and fear.
But here is the thing, though experiences of doubt, or fear of death, or terror of the unknown or uncontrollable…can become crippling, can silence us, can lead us not to care or try, can shake our faith to the core, and can lead us into very dark places…there is, to quote Paul, “a more excellent way”…which is to lean into such experiences and feelings and get curious about them. For curiosity leads us to begin to pay attention and ask questions about all that is happening around us. And, I believe such a curiosity that is seeking deep meaning will lead us to see, even among all that is dark and difficult in our world, the many signs of resurrection that are being birthed and blooming all around us. We know that the women who were present at the first Easter morning lean into their doubts, questions and fear. They get curious and, in short order, bravely tell their story. And, we know this to be true because Jesus’ story does not end with them. In fact, I believe their eye-witness to the resurrection leads to the birth of the church. And the church over the subsequent two-thousand years…though not always perfectly for the church is made up of imperfect people…still it has filled this world, just as we now do at St. Julian’s, with light and hope and healing and love. All empowered by a singular moment in time/space when God resurrected Jesus from the dead…love’s victory…life’s victory. The church’s ministry of healing and hope and teaching the way of love…our witness in the world…that we get to share in today…is a powerful sign pointing us and others to the truth of resurrection.
And, there are lots of other places to see resurrection as well…like science…that tells us that energy and matter cannot be destroyed but only changed…and there is the turning of the seasons, flowers blooming as winter withdraws…and songbirds singing in cemeteries…and lives rebuilt out of the devastation of war…and the hard fought movements that continue to make our world more just and equitable…and…and there are the stories that our own lives tell of overcoming, growing through, and healing from our own experiences of loss and suffering…empowered by God’s life-giving love and presence…to become ourselves…expressions of living resurrection for those around us. All of these signs of resurrection that surround us wherever we turn are God-given gifts that lead us to a truth that stands beyond human knowing…to a place deep within us where faith in the unseen and love, the great ordering power of the universe, reside…deep in our hearts. And, what we find there is the light that shown forth from Jesus’ empty tomb that fills our hearts with an abiding faith that pushes back against doubt and fear…and the hope of resurrection becomes more and more alive in us.
I want conclude by circling back to my dad, Nathan, and share one of God’s signs pointing to resurrection in my own life. So, about three years after my dad died…not that I had moved on, for we never let go of those we love and have lost…but his death was no longer, if you will, top of mind. I was now happily married. I had moved on from being the Chaplain at UT to beginning the adventure of planting St. Julian’s with all of you…when the phone rang. Though I did not know the number, which means, if honest, I may not have normally answered it, for some reason I did. A woman was on the phone. I did not know her…she was entirely a stranger to me. She kindly introduced herself, and said she was a high school friend of Nathan’s in the 1960’s. She named the high school…Bryan Adams in Dallas…so that checked out. She said they had once been close…but had not kept up through the years. She had heard of my father’s death some years before, and, though sad about it, had not thought all that much about it for some time. She said further that she wanted to tell me about something important, and it had taken her some time to find me…but eventually…some sleuthing on the internet led her to St. Julian’s website where she found my contact info. She then said she wanted me to know this had never happened to her before and that she was entirely sane…but, though hard to make the call to me, she knew, again, that I needed to hear what she had to say.
She said one night a fairly long time after my father had died she had a sort of waking dream. One of those dreams that feels so very real that she woke up feeling like it was entirely real…believing it was entirely real…that it was God-given She said in the vision, for it felt more like a vision than a dream, that my dad was sitting in a chair. He was sitting up right, healthy, fit, clear-eyed…with a slight smile on his face. I don’t know if she knew about his profound struggles in life…I didn’t ask. But, she continued and said he was sitting next to a bed. And, in the bed, was a little girl who was sleeping soundly and peacefully. She described the scene as simply peaceful, even, joyful. And, that was it. I thanked her for sharing this with me and assured her that I believed her entirely…that the vision was God-given….and I did. We did not exchange contact info…but said a pleasant goodbye. I have not heard from her since.
And, what she did not and could not know, as she shared with me her vision of Nathan and the little girl was that Ashley, my wife, was pregnant with our first child. And, what we didn’t even know at the time, for we had decided to wait till our baby’s birth to find out, was that, indeed, the child Ashley was carrying was a little girl. We had already chosen names, one for a girl and one for a boy…and if a girl…it would be Amelia, which means, “The work of the Lord”. For me, there are no doubts, none whatsoever, that the little girl sleeping peacefully in the bed next to my father, in that woman’s God-given vision, was my own. Whatever doubts, fears still lived in me began to melt away. And, I remain utterly convicted that my dad’s life, my life, your life, and the life of the world are, indeed, eternal and held forever in the hands of the God of love, through the glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ our Lord.
Friends, the signs of life born from Jesus’ resurrection from the dead are all around us, and, if willing to pay attention…if willing to lean into doubt and fear and get curious…we will discover them, often in the most unexpected of places. We, like the wonderful women at the tomb, will become eye-witnesses to the glory of Jesus’ resurrection…love’s victory…life’s victory…for all people…for those we love and no longer see…for you…even for me. Thus, indeed, with a heart full of faith, at the grave…as we grieve great loss…as we face great challenges…as face all the pain this world can heap upon us…as we face our own moments of doubt and fear…we make our song…alleluia, alleluia, alleluia. For Jesus is risen…the first born from the dead…certainly not the last…but the first. Amen.